Posted by Holly Ordway in Christian Life | 1 Comment
Useful Restlessness
“Restless” literally means “lacking rest.” That doesn’t sound good – but in fact restlessness can be a good thing. St Augustine famously wrote in the Confessions that our hearts are restless until they rest in God; restlessness can be the spur that drives us to arise from our entrenched state of alienation and dissatisfaction to seek after what we really need.
On a more practical level, “restlessness” is an interesting word, because it covers two quite different states of mind. These two states could be described as “bad” and “good” restlessness, but actually it’s a little more complicated than that.
The first kind is probably the one I know best – the restlessness of being tired and yet having work to do. While I’m trying to concentrate on grading papers, or paying bills, or doing the assigned reading for a class I’m taking, I’m distracted by a thousand and one things that seem more appealing than what I’m doing right now. What are my friends posting on Facebook? Are there any interesting new articles on the news sites I read? Is there anything to eat in the refrigerator? Sometimes even doing laundry seems like a better option than whatever it was that I’m supposed to be concentrating on.
The curious thing is that I know, consciously, that the work I’m (supposed to be) doing is important. I love my job, I find my classes interesting, and, well, I don’t like paying bills but I do enjoy having un-interrupted electricity and phone service. I also know that the little distractions are, ultimately, much less important… and yet I allow myself to get distracted anyway. I check my email. I eat a cookie. (Am I really hungry?)
The fidgety kind of restlessness usually means that I’m over-tired… not necessarily physically, but mentally and emotionally. I have too much to do, and I can’t face the thought of it, so – I don’t. Yet in that mood, I don’t really enjoy goofing off, either. I procrastinate, avoid, and fritter away time doing little things that are neither productive nor relaxing.
When the bad restlessness really kicks in, sometimes I just want to put my head down on the desk and cry.
On the other hand, there’s a good restlessness. When I am rested, both physically and mentally, I find myself eager to do interesting things. I have energy – it’s not enough to just sit around doing the same old thing. I want to go out and do a good workout, write essays about all the ideas rattling around in my head (and on the endless slips of paper on my desk), go on trips to visit different places – all things that I can’t, or won’t, do when I’m tired.
Yet I would not dismiss the “bad” restlessness as all bad, nor embrace the “good” restlessness wholesale.
The “bad” restlessness is an important signal flag. It means I am pushing myself too hard. When I feel so fidgety, sometimes I do need to tell myself “Stop it! Get to work!” but often, what I really need to do is take a break. Not sit at my desk and half-work, but step away from my desk and do something completely different. Take a nap, or read a chapter in a fun book, or go for a walk. Then, when I get back to my work, I’ll be more productive. I don’t always succeed in building in that safety valve of resting when I need to, but when I do, it helps.
The “good” restlessness is insufficient. Left unchecked, it leads to lots of grand plans and half-finished projects. I have to discipline myself with that energy too: to recognize that if something is a good project, I will continue to want to work on it tomorrow, so I don’t have to finish it today.
Both kinds of restlessness show up in my prayer life. Having a regular routine, the Daily Office, helps keep me steady. On the bad-restless days, when I can hardly concentrate on any particular prayer for more than 30 seconds, the liturgy keeps pulling me back, again and again, and reminds me that even if my prayers are scattered and unfocused, I’m praying. On the good-restless days, I tend to be over-confident, thinking that I can just spontaneously pray and lift up all that I do to God, without needing any structure… but then I often realize at the end of the day that I haven’t consciously prayed much, if at all. When I am rested and have energy to spare, the liturgy helps me stay focused, so that I have a structure around which to build my extemporaneous prayer.
Now, dear readers — what are your distractions, and how do you keep focused?
No related posts.
I would say that one of my biggest distractions is my anxiety. When I find myself becoming anxious, I lose focus of God. I am really making a concerted effort to either pray lines from certain psalms when I get anxious, and I try to bring myself back to Christ’s exhortations about anxiety in Matthew 6:25-34 as well as Paul’s exhortations about praying through anxiety at the end of Philippians.
I also find that the internet is a huge distraction for me. When I have a lot to do–particularly stuff that I don’t want to do or stuff that is difficult and trying like attempting to find a new job, which is where I find myself now–it is very easy for me to lose sight of my tasks and fritter my time away online. I am working to be more disciplined in how I spend my time online, which is hard right now for me because I have a job that requires me to do research online.
PS I saw that you are reading The Orthodox Study Bible. Are you reading the Old and New Testaments with it? I use the paperback copy for my New Testament reading, and when I read through the New Testament as an Orthodox Christian, I read every study note. Now I use other resources. When I read the Old Testament, I tend to use the RSV. But I do refer to the OSB from time to time. However, I have found that some of the notes for the Old Testament are a little uneven. I would love to hear your feedback from your reading.